Saying No…

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Happy New Year! Ok…so I’m almost a month late, it happens! As promised on the MissAdventures in Adulting Facebook Page, I’m back! Not back when I’d hoped I would be, but here we are all the same. So what’s up? What’s been going on? Well, I’ll tell ya. In short, too much life! Too many committements, too much saying “yes,” not enough saying “no” and everything in between. 

While I have a ton of ideas and drafts for new content, even a whole new section coming dedicated to all the ups & downs of PTA, I thought I would start out 2020 talking about what’s been going on and how, for the past 6 months or so, my vision hasn’t exactly been 2020…but we’re going to change that!

2020 vision

If you’ve been following me from the beginning, you know that about a year and a half ago I went from being primary wage earner, working insane hours, career mom to a fired, unemployed mom with no clue what was next for my life. The transition from working mom to stay at home mom was not without its challenges, and eventually, we realized that I need need to bring in some income…not as much as I was making before, but I still needed to contribute. This was both for our bottom line as a family but also for my mental health. I am very goal-oriented, I need projects, but I also need a payoff for my achievements, and, let’s be real, no one in my house is going to give me a medal or paycheck anytime soon for a clean toilet…mostly because the boys aren’t even going to notice that I scrubbed the pee stains off!

So to offset the lack of money coming in, I tried all the things! I started selling books, pampered chef, and wine for different companies. I started selling travel for Kingdom Destinations. I started doing some freelance and virtual assistant work on the side. And of course, I started this blog! On top of the SIX side hustles (can they be side hustles if you don’t have a front and center hustle?) I committed to the President-Elect role for our PTA (promising to be President next year) and, of course also have to figure out where to squeeze in being a wife, mom, friend, daughter, family member, etc. into it all!

There were just not enough hours in the day! I was doing a lot of things halfway and nothing very well. Everything suffered… I only sporadically sold anything from my paying gigs, and went from posting something weekly on my blog to only when I had time. Something had to give!

Nuf Said!

And then in October, I received an offer I simply could not refuse. I began a full-time job working as the Corporate Trainer for a Real Estate data & marketing company. The best part about it is that it is 100% work from home. I was not about to turn down a full-time paycheck, especially one that did not require a commute in the horrible Dallas traffic or the crazy hours of a builder’s model home! But I also knew that this is job is exactly what I needed to be able to let go of some of the things I just didn’t have the time or energy for. I’m still hanging onto my travel gig because I LOVE talking travel with people, LOVE writing about it, and love exploring new places to share with you, but otherwise, most of the rest had to go!

I dedicated Nov to learning the ins and outs of my new job. I needed to set up an office space in my house, and had all new systems to learn. I was finally starting to settle into a new routine, and had plans for holiday-themed posts when BAM…more life! First, my beloved cat, Kitty (yes that’s her name) of nearly 20 years passed away. She was my baby before I had babies, my little shadow, and, while not unexpected, definitely threw me for a loop days before Thanksgiving. Then we had some family drama the week after Thanksgiving that was probably the result of committing to WAY too much together time during a visit (who doesn’t over the holidays, right? UGH!). Finally, the flu swept through right as Christmas break started forcing an all-out halt on commitments. Simply surviving the holidays became the new goal! Luckily, we made it by the skin of our teeth!

In all honesty, spending Christmas at home, just the 4 of us in our pajamas was quite nice (until day 5 when we reached a whole new low of grossness but that’s another story). We didn’t have to rush to get dressed and go between all the families and churches. We didn’t have a schedule on our Christmas morning, needing to rip through all our gifts before people joined us for brunch. We didn’t have to balance making this dish for this house and that dessert for the other. It was just us, hanging out, and (fevers, vomit, and coughing aside) we loved it. The world did not come to an end because we had to say no to our commitments.

The Power of Saying “No”

Solid advice…you’re welcome!

I think all moms have similar issues when it comes to saying “no.” We have this ingrained need to be everything to everyone and as a result, over commit ourselves to the point of insanity. Why is it so hard to say such a small word? For most of us, it was actually the first word we learned! “NO!” quickly followed by “Mine!” But just as quickly as it came into our vocabulary, we began learning that saying “no” is a bad thing. I believe that mentality is what lead the vast majority of us to become stressed out and extremely overcommitted.

Do you want to join my team and sell stuff? “No.” Can you help me copy and hand out flyers? “Nope.” Can you sign up to bring 4 dozen brownies and a crockpot of chili next week? “No.” Are you available to help pack 5000 meals for the homeless at church this week? “Sadly, I cannot.” Can you chaperone the 2nd-grade field trip on Tuesday? “No, I have another commitment.” Can my kid have a playdate at your house so I can get this super important thing done? “Sorry, friend, NO!” Can you turn out 2 extra articles for me this week? “Sorry, I just don’t have time.”

Every one of those no’s make me cringe just typing them, let alone trying to say them out loud! And they’re all “no’s” I probably should have said at some point over the past 6 months. But, if we can get past the initial cringe, we can find that there is so much power and peace in a simple “no.”

Saying “no,” even just occasionally, has been proven to have so many more benefits to you than saying “yes.” The word no can mean more time, more energy, more respect, more control, and eventually more self-confidence. You don’t even have to give an excuse (read that again). If you simply don’t want Karen’s little turd at your house for 2 hours while she gets her hair done, you don’t have to tell her you don’t like him. Just say “Sorry, I can’t!” Sprinkling the “no” in with “yes” will mean that those who really are your people will have more respect for your personal time and that when you do say “yes” it will mean that much more to them.

We could all learn a few things from Phoebe!

Of course, if its something you want to do and have time for, give a heartfelt “yes!” Your friends and family will love you for it! But, have you thought about the fact that if you keep saying yes to the same people over and over who already know that you’re stressed out and exhausted that maybe they aren’t really your close friends, to begin with? Maybe they don’t really respect you as much as they say they do?

Now that you’re back to the land of the living, what’s next?

So now what? I feel like I mostly have a solid routine for my work-day down (finally). I have figured out how to manage getting everyone out the door and settling into my little “office” in the corner of my room for my workday. I can balance that with PTA fairly well, have time for the people and things that I love, and have found where I have time left over for my writing too. I do need to work on getting my tail out of bed earlier so I can get a work out in but, hey, one thing at a time!

I also believe that it’s very important to put your goals out there in order to achieve them, so, in no particular order, here is what’s coming down the line for

I have all these great topics just sitting in my mind waiting to take shape. I may not churn something new out every week but I’m committing myself to at least 3 per month going forward! I’m so excited to get back into the groove and share these topics and many more with you soon! Thanks for hanging in there with me!

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  1. Farrah | 12th Mar 20

    I’ve learned to say “no” early on.

  2. Dawn | 12th Feb 20

    I definitely feel you in stretching yourself too thin, I do that a lot also, just have to remember to say no.

  3. Janet | 12th Feb 20

    Love the post! Love the memes even more 🙂 thanks for the inspiration and courage to just say no when you need it. It’s the simplest yet most challenging advice I’ve ever received.

  4. Mary | 12th Feb 20

    Love this post! Your sense of humor and those memes are amazing! I think my favorite is, “I wish I could, but I don’t want to!” Ha! Great tips!

  5. Alysia Lyons | 12th Feb 20

    Junell, I love this post so much and let me tell ya, I feel it. I am so ambitious when an opportunity comes along, I forget to see if I actually have time to fulfill all the roles I’ve already said yes to. Finding balance is so helpful and figuring out a schedule that works for you is essential. Learning to say no is the next hardest thing! Thank you for the entertaining post!

  6. Maria Galloway | 12th Feb 20

    Definitely something I’m working on. I’m such a yes person. This is my year of saying no!

  7. val selby | 12th Feb 20

    Sometimes that time away from writing is a big rejuvenator!

    Saying no leaves more room for saying yes to really awesome things. Plus saying no improves my hubby’s life because he doesn’t have to hear me complain about doing stuff I didn’t want to do, but didn’t tell them no lol

  8. Amy | 11th Feb 20

    Saying no has always been something I’ve struggled with. But things can get so overwhelming so fast. And it turns out, people don’t hate you for a simple no. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. It all works out in the end. Thanks for the reminder right when I needed it!

  9. Katie Golden | 11th Feb 20

    There are times I have given in and said yes and then became so overwhelmed. Saying NO is so hard but very important so that you can take care of YOU! Great blog, thank you!

  10. Therese | 11th Feb 20

    You are right, it is very difficult sometimes to say now. It feels not nice to say no but I think it has more to do with knowing your boundaries.

  11. Anne | 11th Feb 20

    This is so useful and inspiring to read! I have so much trouble saying no and I’ve been told that I’m way too nice. This causes a lot of stress for me when I don’t have room in my schedule to be saying yes to everything, so reading this post was a big help for me.

  12. Emily | 11th Feb 20

    Saying No is so important, and so hard to actually do. It is one of my goals for 2020 to be more aware of what capacity I can push myself to and not over-commit to things. Trying to do more of what makes me happy and what is truly good for me!

  13. Laura | 11th Feb 20

    Welcome back! Life has thrown us some unexpected curve balls recently too and the confidence to say “no” has been so helpful. One of the biggest lessons as a mom seems to be learning our boundaries!

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